CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T! CAAAAAANNN'TTTTT
There, I have that oppressive negative soul eating word out of my system. It has held me back for too damn long and I'm ready for what my mind CAN create with so much more "room" to play with not that the nasty sour tasting word in gone.
This past weekend I had a sit down with me, myself, and I. There was a lot on the table for discussion, with no topic untouchable. Every time I sat down to write I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know why. There was something holding me back, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Something negative, something that was so strong that not a damn word could be written and I wanted--no needed--to know what it was because I'm on deadline with a book due in five days. Yeah, talk about pressure.
Every time I sat down to write on Saturday I would get five words in and my muse (creative mind) would sulk off to the corner and refuse to give me the words. Now, this is not unusual. When this happens I'll get up and come back to write later. But not this time.
Something else was on my mind and it was stopping the word flow. I needed to get to the bottom of the problem and fast. For those that have followed along over the past few days you all know that I'm | | close to finishing Sunrise for Three and to have the words dry up when I'm this close (or at any point of writing a book, really) is the ninth level of hell, people.
I needed answers. I found a quiet place, took out a notebook and started writing about everything I had on my plate, things I needed to pick up from the store and what I needed to get done around the house to un-clutter the mind. Then I started in on just writing down what I thought about my story, what the strong points are and the weak. Then I started writing about what I wanted to do, what I thought could happen. I finished up with what I want to see for myself six months from now and even a year from now. After I finished that I took a deep breath and read back over what I wrote. Three things stood out that shocked the hell out of me.
1. I buy way too much milk. Seriously? A gallon every other day?
2. I have an addiction to vanilla and cinnamon flavored coffee from Starbucks. It made it on my MUST BUY list three times in my little write it down sprint.
3. A war was going on inside my head and I had no idea. We're talking about the apocalypse of epic proportions going off in my head.
I had written the word CAN'T seventeen times in my writing sprint and it all pointed back to what I could and couldn't do with my writing, my story, my characters, my worlds, my career.
My muse wanted to tell ME that he just just...
Well why the hell not! When I saw that single most negative word scattered throughout my ideas, I was ticked off. How could I tell myself I CAN'T when it's my damn worlds, my charters, my writing...my books? And yes, my career.
True, I'm writing for readers, but am I not also writing for myself? Writing the books I want to read?
I guess you can say I had a light bulb moment. I crumbled up that piece of paper, took out a clean sheet and started again. This time I eliminated the word CAN'T and replaced it with what I will do, what I can do and what I want from my stories and my work. I knocked that energy sucking bitch CAN'T out of my mind and I took back my control.
And So Can You!
I've reined in my muse and erased the negative juju that was stagnating my progress. Sure, I know this won't be my last run-in with self doubt, the fear, or the word-never-to-be-said-again, but you know what? I have the power to take control, fight back, and move forward with my goals, my dreams, my writing and my career as a writer.
You can too.
Take a stand for what you want and if you are what is holding your progress back, take a deeper look at what is causing you to hesitate. Don't be afraid. There's liberation in finding out those deeper thoughts and giving them light.
Here's your chance to start something new, give a project new energy, or just be your awesome self.
Take control, my lovelies!
And remember. . .
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